The situation that I will be recounting shortly happened while I was attending a summit in Tokyo, Japan in 2003. Basically, we were given a crash course in Japanese language and culture at the Japanese Embassy in Singapore, before being sent off to Japan to live with unknown host families and attend classes at unknown high schools. All 10 of us were split up to different prefectures and regions across Japan. I was the only one headed to Tokyo and on the high speed rail towards my destination, I was nervously recounting the pointers I have learnt during the crash course.
I met my host mother 'Okaasan' at the train station. Under normal situations, I would probably hug her as a sign of acceptance and welcome; I resisted the urge and we shared courteous bows and simple introductions. As the day went by, I was shown the route home from the main station, brought around the neighbourhood and was introduced to everyone in the small suburban town. It came as a surprise to me because back home, I was not even so cordial with my neighbours living one floor above or below me. Everyone in the neighbourhood was courteous and welcoming.
Okaasan also bought traditional Japanese pastries as a welcome snack for me into her family. When I arrived to the house, I was immediately briefed about the house rules and mannerisms. It certainly took me by surprise that such a small household would have so much rules to abide to!
Some of the more unique examples include:
As I was female, I would be expected to help in the chores especially in the preparation of dinner. All preparations including the setting up of the table will have to be done before my host father 'Otoosan' gets home from work. Otoosan will then have dinner with us and he will enjoy his after-dinner entertainment like watching TV and having dessert while okaasan and I clean and wash up. This rationale was that otoosan was the head of the household and as he had to travel long distances and spend long hours at work, he should be served first and foremost, and ensure that he was comfortable and happy at home.
Bath time: As I was a 'guest' of the house, I was allowed to use the common bath first. The bath water is not changed for a week and I was apprehensive about sharing my bathwater! I had so much trouble adjusting to it and I just showered quickly and did not attempt the bath tub until after a week. The warm bath water was really soothing in winter time.
Going to school and during mealtimes: I was very touched that Okaasan wakes up earlier than everyone in the house, busies herself preparing breakfast and beautifully crafted bentos for otoosan and I to take to work and school respectively. I am also often stuffed in my face during every meal time because it will seem rude and ungrateful if I do not finish everything on my plate and eat heartily (slurping soup, tea and noodles made me grimace for a while!). Thanking otoosan and okaasan at the end of the meal signals that I am done with my meal.
Leaving and returning home: In order to be respectful to the ancestors and people present in the house, loud calls of "I am leaving now!" or "I am home!" is a must. Shoe arrangement at the door must also be strictly followed: shoes must be pointed outwards for ease of wearing when one leaves the house.
Communication: Juniors of the family must usually be more agreeable and always respectful to elders. I soon realised that I was agreeing to everything even though I personally did not feel like doing it then. Also, Japanese females tend to be more graceful and quiet, and body actions and gestures should be done subtly. Communicating was then difficult for me as I tend to use gesturing in the event I get stuck while conversing in Japanese.
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It was only through appreciating and understanding these cultural differences did I fully immerse myself into the Japanese way of life. I realised that though my host family was rather tolerant and understood that I was foreign and required time to adjust, I had to be the one to fully open up and allow the culture be absorbed...it is also then did I become more culturally sensitive and aware of the minor difference that makes us so unique.
Hello Jacinth,
ReplyDeleteThis blog post is really an eye-opener for me! I have not been to Japan but I've learned a little bit of their culture from watching Japanese dramas.
I was just wondering if common baths are still widely used nowadays. It seems pretty unhygienic to me. Is there a reason behind why Japanese bathe in common bathes?
You also mentioned that females have to help out with the household chores while the males rest after a long day of work. However, we are seeing an increasing number of females in the workforce. Are females still expected to do the household chores even if they have to work in the day? It would be so unfair if they had to!
Hi peijin,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment! Basically, I went to Japan with a very hazy impression based upon the numerous popular Japanese dramas like you have watched as well... I must say that most Japanese dramas play down the true Japanese Household culture and tend to show a rather exaggerated side of Japan instead.
Yes, common baths are indeed common! In each home, they usually share a bathtub that I have mentioned. Of course, they are expected to rinse clean before dipping into the warm soothing bath. In the public areas like hostels etc, they still have the real common bath (ie ofuro), where everyone bares all and rinse before relaxing in the large pool sized bathtub. The Japanese enjoy such forms of relaxation, usually in the winter time. They usually do this to save water and electricity, since everyone uses the same water and the water is maintained at a fixed temperature and doesnt have to be 'reheated'.
Yes, females are very much still stuck doing household chores. Okaasan teaches tuition at a community center, and she still has to get back before otoosan does and do up the chores. Still very traditional I must say. It is frowned upon by the elders if a female steps out of line.
But then again, it depends on the family rules and upbringing, of which you'll find interesting that in Japan, most families are still very old-fashioned.
This is very intersting! Dummy guide to Japanese culture :)
ReplyDeleteRegarding the male dominant society issue, I've also read similar articles in Korea. Many married working women are assumed to serve their in laws and husband so much so that it drove depression rates upwards. This is especially evident during festive seasons when they are bogged down with many chores.
However, some Japanese mums I met actually feel that it is their duty to handle the housekeeping matters. Although their schedules became rather tight due to this responsibility on top of their work, they feel proud to be there for their family! :)
My comments will be the same! it is a very interesting story!
ReplyDeleteand it was experienced first hand. I adore japanese people as well, not because of their J-pop, but since young, I had always been exposed to japanese anime, like samurais and ninjas.
even among the japanese, they have their samurai culture once. it is also an interesting culture.
Very interesting first-hand experience- well done:))
ReplyDelete